Held

There's a song I've been mulling over for months. Held, by Natalie Grant, grabbed my heart & wrung it out from the very 1st listen. It's a song about God's promise to hold us when things go devastatingly wrong, even though we've prayed & believed for God's intervention. We hold up our flag of faith, hoping & believing that God will honor it; accept it and change the course, averting a dreadful outcome looming before us.

The beginning of the song has thrown me off for months. Can I sing something so personal? Songs that deeply reach my hurt, providing an avenue of healing in me...those are the songs I want to sing out loud. Some are appropriate for "church" singing and some are more private. But I've been going back & forth over this one for months. Early this week as I left my friend's house...I was really moved by the ache that hides behind the smile; the struggle to "keep it together". Something in me broke & I realized that though the tragedy may not bear the same name, the heartbreak is resident nonetheless.

In Held, a mother holds her premature child before the throne, seeking to ascertain the provision for healing that was made when Christ took upon His body the stripes for our healing...that's what it says "by His stripes we are healed". Healing didn't come for this child or the weeping mother praying over him.

I've never lost a child...I can't even fathom that heartache. But most of us have held something up before the throne, imploring God to move on our behalf or on behalf of someone we love. Yesterday, I was overcome with more than emotion, but moved to intercession as my aches for the loss, fear & anger that is in the face of folks I care about. God reminded me of this song...then it all became clear.

As Natalie was singing about this baby...I was praying for the pending divorce; the pregnancy that just won't come; the cancer that just won't go; the 251 steps my friend took last week; the anger of a child who's father is not a dad; the lonely one in prison; the one with a confirmed diagnosis; the child who's strayed from God & the parent that weeps for him to return; the one who's watched her mother waste away to nothing & then die; the one who suddenly lost a parent without opportunity to say goodbye; the stroke that's robbed this one; the gunshot that's killed that one & the wife/new baby left behind; the absent loved one defending another's freedom; the refugee longing for safety & security; the home wrecked by infidelity; the regretted abortion; the lost job; the lost dream; the one struggling to find herself anew in the ashes of rape & violation...these are just a few of the people I know, that I love & even one or two of my own heartaches. We each have our own story & accompanying pain; a song of heartbreak & hope for healing; for a better tomorrow.

Despite preparing another song entirely, I sang Held tonight. If it touched one heart...that's what it's all about~ Is this a good place to interject that God is not put out, ticked off or offended by our anger, pain or questions? He's not surprised by our screaming & our doubt. His love is not thwarted by our finger pointing & blaming. He simply & lovingly holds us through the storm. And we survive~

HELD
Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we’d be rescued
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares
Were asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it’s unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held

If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We’d be held